We have found ourselves being cranky toward one another. We are not fighting--it's more the case of little snipes back and forth. As Ray puts it, "The stress is up and the rituals are down." What he means is that life has encroached and the first to go were the things that feed our relationship. For instance, we were at our best when we had all kinds of rituals in place: a cup of tea (alone!) before bed, the daily reading of our marriage calendar, sweet notes to each other (often straight out of Song of Songs), the positioning of our people on the bed after it's made, regular sushi dinners (alone!), general affection.
These are habits we developed several years ago in response to sharing our deepest needs with each other. Bit by bit, they have fallen by the wayside. Sushi dinners are out of the question until our finances improve, but all the other rituals are free. While we have noticed their disappearance, and have voiced concern over it, we have yet to reinstate them as habits. A sort of indifference has taken root. So, now we have decided to make a plan.
And here's our plan: revive the rituals one at a time. Some will be easier than others. The bed is made every day so the people will be easy to start placing again. We are still drinking tea at night; we will just need to make it a more personal and private time again. Maybe we could leave the marriage calendar where we can see it so we will remember to read it. And the notes...well, we just really need to try hard to remember to write each other sweet notes. That's the biggie--the notes. It's the sweet words that make us feel valuable and worthy and considered and loved. Look at the amazingly wonderful words God wrote for us! They make us feel valuable and worthy and considered and loved. And touching, touching! How can we forget to give each other little physical reminders that we are not alone? Of these rituals, the last two will take the most focus and determination.
But do it we will! Because we love! And, because the other place was a far nicer place to live.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Titus 2
Well, we have just begun an interesting journey with a bunch of friends from church--a marriage mentoring journey. It will take a little over a year to complete and will, hopefully, be a blessing to all. The notion is based upon Chapter 2 in the New Testament book of Titus, which states very clearly that the younger folks in the church are to be taught and shown by the older folks how to love their spouses and raise their children. Nine--maybe ten--couples have joined up and are ready to partner with each other for the next 12 months in mentoring relationships.
Wow! We feel so honored to be taking this journey with these fine and fun people. No one knows yet, except God, who each couple will be partnered with. The only promise we made was that parents and children would not be teamed. Oh, and that there was definitely a confidentiality rule in place. It's Vegas--what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. It is so important to have an environment in which everyone feels safe to share--or whatever.
The same holds true for a marriage. The relationship has to be so safe that either partner can say absolutely anything without fear of repercussion. You won't be honest if you have to worry about your spouse's anger, fear, freaking out, threats--you get the picture. Hearts are hard to hear sometimes, but plodding through the tough stuff will will keep things from festering and will, ultimately, bear much fruit. You will find yourselves dealing with issues on a manageable level--before they get out of hand.
Wow! We feel so honored to be taking this journey with these fine and fun people. No one knows yet, except God, who each couple will be partnered with. The only promise we made was that parents and children would not be teamed. Oh, and that there was definitely a confidentiality rule in place. It's Vegas--what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. It is so important to have an environment in which everyone feels safe to share--or whatever.
The same holds true for a marriage. The relationship has to be so safe that either partner can say absolutely anything without fear of repercussion. You won't be honest if you have to worry about your spouse's anger, fear, freaking out, threats--you get the picture. Hearts are hard to hear sometimes, but plodding through the tough stuff will will keep things from festering and will, ultimately, bear much fruit. You will find yourselves dealing with issues on a manageable level--before they get out of hand.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Couple2Couple/Follow-Up/Kick-off Meeting
Well, we were down five couples tonight. At first I was really sad, but the time of sharing we had was so rich I knew it was God-ordained. He really is soooo good to His kids. Hopefully we can catch the non-attenders up before our next meeting on October 20.
We were mentored--unofficially--as newlyweds who were also new parents (Ray's little ones arrived full time after we had been married only 6 days). Several couples from our church sort of just took us in. They showed us the ropes by coming alongside, not by bossing us around. We are grateful to this day!
Glad some of you have checked out The Knot. Please let us know how we can help make a difference in your marriage.
We were mentored--unofficially--as newlyweds who were also new parents (Ray's little ones arrived full time after we had been married only 6 days). Several couples from our church sort of just took us in. They showed us the ropes by coming alongside, not by bossing us around. We are grateful to this day!
Glad some of you have checked out The Knot. Please let us know how we can help make a difference in your marriage.
Couple2Couple
Oh, it's been so long since we posted. We have some hugely exciting news: tonight we kick-off a marriage mentoring program that fell straight out of heaven into our very surprised laps.
One day, a few months ago, we were chatting about marriage and how to go about ministering to other couples when--BOOM!--the notion of a Titus 2 marriage mentoring program appeared in front of us. Everything came to us so fast I could hardly keep up on the keyboard. Literally, EVERYTHING--dates, schedules, presentation, activities. Our God is so crazy big!
It is based upon Titus 2, which means it involves one couple coming alongside another couple for the purpose of teaching by example and relationship. The program will begin tonight, and wrap up in October 2010. We have had nine couples sign up--it is so sweet to us to see these young married couples so willing to be led. It is just as sweet to see these older married couples so willing to lead. So many things in life are easier, clearer, more bearable, more beautiful when you're holding onto someone else's hand.
One day, a few months ago, we were chatting about marriage and how to go about ministering to other couples when--BOOM!--the notion of a Titus 2 marriage mentoring program appeared in front of us. Everything came to us so fast I could hardly keep up on the keyboard. Literally, EVERYTHING--dates, schedules, presentation, activities. Our God is so crazy big!
It is based upon Titus 2, which means it involves one couple coming alongside another couple for the purpose of teaching by example and relationship. The program will begin tonight, and wrap up in October 2010. We have had nine couples sign up--it is so sweet to us to see these young married couples so willing to be led. It is just as sweet to see these older married couples so willing to lead. So many things in life are easier, clearer, more bearable, more beautiful when you're holding onto someone else's hand.
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